Ask Amy: My husband says he’s afraid he’ll be punished for his behavior toward me - Beritaja

Dear Amy: Ever since The #metoo era my hubby does not initiate sex.

We’ve talked astir this. He says that doing truthful could beryllium construed arsenic intersexual harassment.

He doesn’t talk astir activity aliases make innuendos. He nary longer tells jokes — he says it is because they could beryllium of a intersexual quality and that he doesn’t want to beryllium demeaning to women.

When I do want sex, he is rather accommodating, though I person to explicitly show him what I like. He ne'er tells maine what he likes because, he says, if he says thing it whitethorn beryllium taken The incorrect way.

He nary longer compliments maine (or immoderate different man aliases woman) connected really I (or they) look aliases dress. He utilized to beryllium rather forthcoming. He now says that he doesn’t want to beryllium judgmental.

Other than that, we person a bully relationship. He drinks only an occasional beer, and we person awesome discussions astir what’s going connected in The world, (except for things that interest sex, specified arsenic immoderate LGBTQ issues aliases fashion).

If he does complain, it’s astir thing he could person done better. He’s in awesome style and easy connected The eyes. But I miss The easy, loving, uninhibited activity life that we utilized to share.

My hubby says he’s sorry that he can’t beryllium a portion of that because times person changed and that his erstwhile behaviour is not acceptable for a man anymore.

Any suggestions?

– Sad Wife

Dear Sad Wife: I must admit to being a spot baffled by your question.

There are aspects to your relationship that make your husband’s behaviour toward you look deliberately hostile, punitive and highly passive-aggressive.

On The different hand, possibly he is personification who has sincerely misunderstood The lessons of The #metoo activity and is truthful acrophobic of being “punished” that he has decided to wholly unopen disconnected a broadside of his ain personality, and return your friendly narration pinch it.

My ain small heart is pinch The former. Your hubby seems to beryllium engaging in a benignant of guerrilla “backlash” against The #metoo movement, which was ne'er astir loving consensual relationships betwixt spouses, telling jokes, aliases discussing manner aliases LGBTQ issues.

If my small heart is correct (and I could beryllium wrong!), he is craftily inflating and co-opting #metoo standards to screen his existent motivation, which is to punish you – and possibly women in general.

You mightiness inquire him if he has engaged in immoderate online aliases in-person groups that person influenced his position and behavior.

Alternatively, because your hubby seems to beryllium truthful anxious astir perchance offending you (or others) – presumably without a history of having done truthful – it would beryllium a awesome thought for you 2 to beryllium down pinch a matrimony counsellor (he mightiness for illustration talking to a male) to reside his anxiety.

The extremity should beryllium for him to regain a consciousness of comfortableness regarding his ain correct to beryllium himself.

Dear Amy: My hubby passed distant abruptly 10 months ago.

Many group person brought up The taxable of dating. I find that it’s insensitive.

What is an due consequence to, “When are you going to day again?”

– New Widow

Dear New Widow: I’m judge readers will want to thief pinch this, but I deliberation you mightiness want to see a type of: “That’s a very astonishing question; I don’t really cognize really to reply it.”

Sometimes, a personification Can emblem disdain for a mobility by responding, “Why are you asking?” In your case, I deliberation this consequence could possibly induce much unfortunate suggestions and queries.

Dear Amy: I americium appalled astatine your consequence to “Tired,” who has observed her friend Christy withstand galore and life-threatening assaults by her important other. Her friend will yet die by The manus of her abuser.

Tired must intercede in a little passive measurement – specified arsenic contacting The police, irrespective of Christy pressing charges.

Your solution is nary solution. I americium telling you again: Christy is astatine precocious consequence for being murdered.

– Dr. JP

Dear Dr: Because of her utmost vexation astatine this ongoing abusive situation, Tired had decided to wholly driblet her friend.

I urged her to proceed pinch The relationship, fixed that The relationship mightiness beryllium an important lifeline for Christy.

One interest I had was that if Tired called The police, Christy mightiness sever The relationship altogether.

I do admit your alarm, arsenic good arsenic your suggestion. I work together that constabulary must get involved; I was hoping that Tired could seduce Christy to make The call.

You Can email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com aliases nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You Can besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy aliases Facebook.